Phantoms Go To Discworld With Other Characters
by IamthePhantomoftheOpera
Summary: Look at the title. This is a cameo where the various Phantoms meet in a lair and randomly get transported to Discworld, where they meet random people from other stories. Why? BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT! Yeah...well, please read and review!
1. In Which The Eriks Are Introduced

**I am firmly obsessed with cameos and cross-overs, and the writing of this phic simply couldn't be delayed any longer. This story/demented bunch of words will probably end up with characters from many of my favorite books or movies, as well as various Eriks. This is also a cameo, as I believe I've mentioned before, so if you read, pretty please leave a review with some stuff like…**

**-A name to call you by**

**-Your usual mood**

**-Any other information that you feel like leaving**

**With that, let the demented bunch of words begin!**

One day, Erik, (from the original book-he will be called plain 'Erik) was sitting at his organ, composing. He was feeling angry, moody, and generally very Erik-y. There was nothing to differ this day from any other day, nothing to make it original, nothing to…

"STOP IT!!!" shouted Erik. The authoress blinked, confused.

"You aren't supposed to know what I'm writing!"

"TOO BAD!!! STOP RUBBING IT IN!!!" The authoress blinked again and shook her head, deciding not to dwell on the utter sameness of every single one of Erik's-

"SHUT UP!!!" The authoress decided to make something exciting happen. So it did.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY LAIR?!" Erik looked up, Punjab at the ready, only to be frozen in place by the sight of a man in the exact same position as he was, with the exact same appearance, down to the black mask covering his entire face and the Punjab lasso currently in his hand. The 'intruder' recovered first.

"As I said before, what are you doing in my lair?" Erik was still to stunned to answer. After a good five minutes of silence, the 'intruder' sighed.

"Excuse me, Monsieur. Are you deaf? Or perhaps mute?" Erik shook his head wordlessly, then recovered enough to respond.

"This is my lair. I could ask the what you are doing here as well. Who are you?" The 'intruder' bowed mockingly.

"The Phantom of the Opera, at your service. And you?" Erik's eyes widened incredulously.

"Excuse me, but the last time I checked, that was my title."

"Exactly the same with me."

"Am I mad?"

"If you _are_ the Phantom, I daresay you are." Erik had to agree.

"Take a seat," he offered. "I always think better while I'm sitting." Erik and the 'intruder', who was no other than Susan Kay's Erik, or Kerik, sat on the couch. They were sitting there awkwardly, both trying to think of something to say, when in walked yet another masked man.

"What the heck are you people doing here?" Taking a look around him, he added, "Where _is_ here, anyway?"

"My lair," answered both Erik and Kerik simultaneously. What then ensued was a exceedingly childlike argument between the two masked men regarding whose lair it actually was. The newcomer watched, amused, for about five minutes, then interrupted the two dignified men shouting 'Mine!'.

"Excuse me, Messieurs, but much as I hate to interrupt your heated debate, I would like to know where I am." Kerik and Erik looked at him, then realized what they had been doing for the past five minutes and looked down in embarrassment.

"You are in _a_ lair, under the Paris Opera House," answered Kerik.

"Who are you?" added Erik. The newcomer bowed mockingly.

"The Phantom of the Opera, at your service," he responded smoothly. Kerik gasped.

"That's my line!" he said angrily.

"What about me?" sulked Erik. "I'm the Phantom too." He was ignored.

"Besides," continued Kerik, "You only have half a mask! You can't be the Phantom!"

"Excuse me," the newcomer, who was in fact, Michael Crawford's Phantom or Cerik, retorted, "But I am in fact the Phantom, as, perhaps, you and the other masked gentleman there are. I would suggest that we try to rationally figure this out. May I sit down? I always think better while I'm sitting."

"That's my line!" shouted Erik, standing up. Then he realized how childishly he had been behaving and sat back down. "Sit anywhere you want," he muttered. Cerik nodded and sat in an armchair.

"So," he began, "We all seem to be the Phantom. We all seem to be in the same lair, which is most certainly not mine, but either yours-" he indicated Erik- "Or yours," nodding at Kerik. "The question is, why are the two of us who-" Here, he was interrupted yet again by another masked man walking in.

"Hey, everyone, what'd I miss?" he asked, for all the world as though this was a party which he had been late to. The Eriks all stared at him.

"And who," asked Cerik coldly, "Are you?"

"The Phantom of the Opera, who else?" Erik groaned and put his head in his hands. Kerik shook his head in disgust. Cerik closed his eyes briefly, then opened them again and spoke even more icily than before.

"The Phantom of the Opera is not an assertive teenager."

"Excuse me, but I am not a teenager!" said the 'Phantom', who was, of course, no other than Gerik. "I'm twenty-five!"

"When I was _twenty-five_," said Kerik coldly, "I was performing at fairs. And I, also, am the Phantom you speak of. Let me tell you, if you were the Phantom, you would not be so self-assured! I let these gentlemen speak for themselves, of course," he said, gesturing to Erik and Cerik, "But I am sure that at twenty-five they were not so…_like you_."

"I agree," agreed Erik softly. Cerik was about to add something, but the authoress decided that if the pasts of the various Erik were discussed, the tone of the story would get too serious, so she decided to lighten it up a bit. By sending them all to Discworld.

**I realize that this is a short chapter, and I apologize. I just ran out of ideas for this particular part, so I ended it. That's the beauty of being an authoress, isn't it? Oh yes. Did I mention that I don't own The Phantom of the Opera, (no, none of them…so sad, isn't it?) or Discworld? 'Cause I don't. So don't sue me. I'm just a 12-year-old girl with about forty dollars in babysitting money. And maybe some money in the bank account that I don't seem to be allowed to touch…yeah. Not much to sue. And please, leave a review so I can make this into a proper cameo!**

**~Me!!!**


	2. In Which The Eriks Meet Death

**I'm back! I just have to write this story-it's my mood. I have a three day weekend from school, blame that. SO…thank you to my reviewers, DefyingGravityElphaba and VampPhan!!! In addition to them, I am going to include my little sister in this. **

**Oh yeah, you might want to read the book ****Masquerade**** by Terry Pratchett. Actually, read it anyway. It's HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah…**

**I have no idea what you look like, so I will just make it up unless you leave a description. Until then, VampPhan has long, dark hair and DefyingGravityElphaba has shoulder-length brown hair. Please leave a description (Really, just something about your hair-I'm terrible at writing descriptions) and I can change it and delete these past two awkward sentences!**

**Key-**

**Little Sister=Annie**

**DefyingGravityElphaba=Elphaba**

**VampPhan=VampPhan (Please give me a name! Any name! Unless you just want to be called that…)**

**Erik=Leroux Erik**

**Kerik=Susan Kay Erik**

**Cerik=Michael Crawford Erik**

**Gerik=Gerard Butler Erik**

**And now, without further ado, chapter two! (I just love saying that…)**

The four Eriks landed in a heap, on the lead-less roof of the Ankh-Morpork Opera House. Kerik, being on the top and therefore the first to recover, was also the first to shout,

"WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED???!!!" None of the other dazed Eriks were able to answer this pressing question, so the authoress decided to pop her head in and explain.

"Well, I was kind of bored, so…" She was cut off by all four Eriks at the same time.

"GET AWAY FROM US!!!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh," she muttered, withdrawing her head. Just then, a little light-bulb appeared over her head. It started talking.

"Why don't you send someone else to explain things to them?" it asked in a little electronic voice.

"That's a great idea!" the authoress answered, for all the world as though there was nothing strange about talking to light bulbs which randomly appeared over her head. And as soon as the last word had left her mouth, a small nine-year-old girl fell from the sky, on top of Kerik.

"Hey there, everyone!" she said cheerfully. She looked down at the squashed Kerik under her. "Thanks for breaking my fall, Kerik."

"My name is not Kerik, it's Erik!" he retorted angrily. "How do you even know these things! Who are you! Why do I care! Get the heck off me!" And so saying, he sat up and dumped Annie onto the roof.

"What was that for?" she muttered angrily.

"It was for reducing me to shouting incoherent, random questions," he retorted hotly. He was just about to heave himself off of Cerik, who was under him, (just try not to picture it), when a girl with shoulder-length brown hair fell from the sky on top of him, effectively putting an end to his efforts. Meanwhile, at the very bottom of the pile, Erik was making several doomed attempts to shove the several hundred pounds on top of him off. Gerik, who was on top of him, was feeling most of the affects, and not enjoying it at all. Back at the top of the pile, Kerik moaned in pain. Getting people dropped on top of him was getting very old very fast. So fast, in fact, that he had hated it before it had even happened. With this in mind, it is imaginable that he was not having the time of his life at that moment. The girl sat up, saw where she was, and decided that she was fine with it. So Elphaba (For that's who she was-did you read the author's note? It provides vital information.) sat on top of Kerik until he collected himself sufficiently to dump her off the same way he had Annie. She landed next to where Annie was sitting and rubbing her head, casting annoyed glares at Kerik. Elphaba decided not to ask. Kerik once again tried to get off Cerik, and this time succeeded, much to his relief, as well as Cerik's. The other Phantoms proceeded to disentangle themselves slowly and painfully and sat around the roof, muttering to themselves. They had formed something of circle, and it was in the middle of this formation that Death now appeared, complete with scythe, black robes, and skull. This received different reactions from different people: Annie asked,

"Are you my sister dressed up? Because she does that sometimes, you know." Death just looked at her, confused, and shook his head.

NO, he said, I AM DEATH HIMSELF. ARE YOU NOT AFRAID? Annie shook her head.

"My sister goes around looking like you too much. Nice too meet you, though." Death nodded and turned away, bemused. Gerik had scrambled as far away as he could get from the formidable figure, and was trying to avoid thinking of why he might be there. Erik and Cerik had stayed where they were, and were looking at Death, wondering if he were there for them. They didn't really mind if he was. Kerik, however, went right up to him (once Death was finished talking with Annie) and said,

"Excuse me, monsieur, but who are you here for?" If one had been able to see into Kerik's thoughts, the words, 'Let it be me…Let it be me…' would have been seen, repeated over and over. That is just the kind of person that Kerik is. Death said,

I'M NOT QUITE SURE. I JUST FELT LIKE COMING HERE. The disappointment in Kerik's voice was evident as he said,

"So nobody here is dying, then?" Death looked at him curiously.

WHY DO YOU SOUND DISAPPOINTED?

"Oh, no reason, no reason. I don't sound disappointed." Death shook his head.

WHAT A STRANGE GROUP OF PEOPLE. he muttered. Just then, a girl with long, dark hair fell from the sky, right onto-you guessed it-Kerik. Kerik nearly started crying. Looking to Death, he shouted,

"Death! Please! I'm begging you! Kill me!" Death looked at him.

THAT WOULD PROVE MOST INCONVIENIENT TO THE STORY AT THIS POINT. he said matter-of-factly. Meanwhile, the dark-haired-girl, (who was, of course, VampPhan), realized where she was and decided to stay right there. Kerik sighed.

**Yes, a pointless filler. It was dang fun to write, though! NOTE: IF YOU GIVE ME PERMISSION TO PUT YOU IN THE STORY, I MOST LIKELY WILL BE GIVING YOU A PERSONALITY, AND IT MOST LIKELY WILL NOT BE ANYTHING LIKE YOUR ACTUAL ONE. No offense if I managed to offend anyone here. ANOTHER NOTE: MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO, I DO NOT OWN DISCWORLD, DEATH, OR ANY OF THE ERIKS. DON'T SUE ME. I can't really think of anything to say, so until the next chapter,**

**~ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**P.S. Happy Easter and Happy Passover, even though the first day was Wednesday. Yeah…we had the most hilarious Seder at my cousins house…don't ask, especially if you are strictly religious.**

**~Me**


	3. In Which More Characters Come And Go

**And HERE is the third chapter that everyone has been so anxiously awaiting! *crickets* Um…well, here it is, at any rate. This story kind of disappeared from my head for a while, so sorry it took so long, but after reading some Edgar Allen Poe (who I just discovered is an awesome writer with subjects that are right up my alley), I got in a really good mood and decided to write this chapter! Yeah…don't ask what kind of person ****The Premature Burial ****cheers up. I don't know, except that it's me. Anyways, here we go!**

VampPhan sat on top of Kerik until Kerik recovered himself sufficiently to dump her off. Only after she had stood up and was looking around herself in amazement and confusion did everyone realize that she was dressed exactly like Erik and Kerik. Kerik stood and backed away slowly. Despite her full black mask, it was obvious through her eyes that she was smiling and was, in fact, quite pleased with where she was.

"What _are _you?" asked Kerik, in as frightened a voice as a grown, tall, formidable, authoritative Kerik could produce. Which, unsurprisingly, was not that scared.

"Well," she answered brightly, in a tone that left no doubt in the others as to her gender, "The last time I checked, I was human, but the last time I checked, I was also sitting on my couch reading a book, so I don't really know anymore," she answered brightly. "Though I _do_ think I'm human," she added thoughtfully.

"She's insane," whispered Gerik. Cerik turned to him and clapped slowly.

"Congratulations, Monsieur," he said mockingly. "I am glad to find that you have some amount of brain power." Gerik was too preoccupied in watching the four girls interact to respond.

"It's like watching the first rehearsal for a completely new, just written opera," he whispered in awe.

"Much as I hate to agree with you," muttered Erik, "You're completely right." Cerik and Kerik nodded. The girls giggled, shrieked, and basically behaved like girls. Until something most improbable happened: A huge banana dropped out of the sky and onto…Kerik.

"WHY ME?!" he shouted despairingly to the heavens. "WHY ME?!" Annie walked up to him, said,

"Ha ha," and proceeded to begin peeling and eating the banana. In case you don't remember, Annie has a grudge against Kerik. The other girls giggled and began eating with her. Kerik's thoughts were something like this:

'Well, God, you'd better be satisfied. You are putting me through everything You can think of, aren't You?' And on and on and on. If you've read Susan Kay's Phantom, you'll know what I'm talking about. Just then, the authoress popped her head in.

"Annie! That was very _improbable_, right?"

"Yes…" Annie replied slowly, "What of it?" The authoress was unable to answer, because all the Eriks except for Kerik had began taking bits of the banana and throwing it at her, forcing her to withdraw her head. Annie took a break from her banana and sat down, thinking about what her sister had said. Then, a light began to dawn. Literally. It was sunrise. However, that is also meant in the metaphorical sense. Annie had been reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, you see, and-

A huge spaceship, in the shape of a sleek running shoe, plopped down on the roof, missing Kerik by inches. Kerik breathed a sigh of relief. A sleek runway furled out from it, passing right over Kerik. Kerik decided to be resigned to his fate. And down the runway came…the entire Cullen clan/family, in pairs. VampPhan all at once radiated an annoyance to match that of…well, something, and began running full tilt straight at Edward.

"YOU FREAKY FAN-GATHERING FREAK!!!" she screamed. The authoress decided that bringing the Cullens hadn't been a good idea and made them all disappear. Meanwhile, VampPhan got very angry at the authoress.

"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU???!!!" she shrieked. The authoress popped her head in.

"Actually, I have been the subject of many intense physiological studies by the most esteemed physiologists, and not one of them has been able to figure it out." This time, when the Eriks lunged at the authoress, they were joined by VampPhan.

"Jeez," she muttered. "People get mad at me whenever I answer their questions." Then, she decided to send in someone else, who would hopefully (but doubtedly) stick up for her. And so, a short girl with shoulder-length, wavy hair fell from the sky, landing-not on Kerik-but on Gerik. She squealed and stayed where she was. Kerik laughed (yes, he actually laughed!). Gerik groaned and pushed her off. Annie, VampPhan, and Elphaba went to greet the newcomer, whose name was Ariel. They chattered and giggled in a group on one side of the roof, and the Eriks muttered and brooded on the other side. Death had left before he went insane. When the giggling increased, the Eriks looked warily at the girls, wondering what they were talking and laughing about, and whether it involved humiliating them. When Ariel saw the Eriks looking at her and her companions, she laughed even harder and pointed behind the Eriks. They turned around despairingly, to be met by…Walter Plinge the Opera Ghost. In case you're wondering, the ship had disappeared for it's own good. Walter was looking at the Eriks curiously.

"Not _another_ one," Cerik groaned. Lerik sat down and put his head in his hands, Kerik debated jumping off the roof, and Gerik hit his head against the wall.

Wall?

Cerik looked up at Gerik.

"Eri…Phant…Whoever you are, back away. Now. What Gerik had mistaken for a wall was actually a huge picture of a handsome young man. HUGE picture. As they watched, a wrinkle appeared on the picture.

"What the…" breathed Erik. A normal sized, handsome young man appeared beside the picture. He looked just like the picture, save for the wrinkle.

"Hello, gentlemen!" Seeing the (for once) speechless girls, he added, "And ladies. I, as you can see, have had a picture painted of myself by my friend, Basil. You have _no_ idea how tedious having a picture painted of yourself is…just standing there, for hours! But that's besides the point. Another friend, Lord Henry, told me on the day it was finished that my youth would not last forever, and as I was-_am_-handsome, I should take advantage of my youth while I can, the most I can, and enjoy myself immensely. When the finished picture was shown to me-it _is_ beautiful, isn't it?-I realized how pretty I actually am, and wished that I could stay this way forever, and that the picture could do the aging for me. Well, I have succeeded! I will never look old, but always be pretty and young. And the picture get old instead! Marvelous, isn't it?" Upon examining the picture, he laughed. "Oh, today I was to have gotten my first wrinkle! Isn't it wonderful?" All the Eriks had gotten over their initial shock and had started to gang up on the boy who wouldn't stop going on about how handsome he was. Worse, it was all true-and the Eriks hated it. When the boy saw all the masked men converging, he lost some of his confidence.

"Hey, gentlemen, we can be friends, right? I'm Dorian Gray. What are your names?" The Eriks continued approaching. Dorian Gray began backing away, and the girls just watched, curious.

"We don't care what your name is," Kerik growled. Walter Plinge had long since left. Dorian Gray continued backing up, until suddenly, and quite unexpectedly to him, he backed onto thin air. And fell.

**(A/N: Normally, I would end it here, but after thinking about how much I hate cliffies, I decided not to. Also, I figure that I owe you guys an extra-long chapter, since I took so long and probably will again. SO, LET US CONTINUE!!!)**

Dorian Gray, as was said before, fell off the roof of the Ankh-Morpork Opera House. However, this story is supposed to be light and funny, and also a story in which anything can happen, so Dorian fell right onto a large trampoline carried by some passing firefighters doing a practice drill. They're surprise can be imagined, when an actual man fell onto the trampoline they had been carrying to a practice site. This was purely coincidence, as the authoress has always been extremely annoyed by Dorian Gray, even though she is just a few chapters into the book and started it yesterday. And NOW as the authoress's brain is truly wiped out, AND she has to go do something she has been supposed to do for a while, AND it's not a cliffie anymore, the chapter will end.


End file.
